A Vision Quest Meditation

Standing at the top is totally awesome.  One side of me is the dark, eerie side. Where I was full of thorns, brambles, mist, dirt and holes.  A few patches of sunlight, some warmth but mostly cold, very, very cold.  There is fog over the top of view. It is a dense, cold, and icky fog.  I cannot even see the bottom of the mountain, from that side. It’s too dark, scary, and gloomy.  It is where I came from.  It is so scary looking back at that.  So afraid I may fall back down that side and have to start over.  But, then knowing I did it once and could do it again.  But, don’t want to.  As I stand at the top and look down, I feel pride.  I feel full of happiness, giddy with it. I made it.  I crawled, dug, clung my way up and I made it.  I am so dirty, torn, bleeding, and tired.  But I made it.  And I feel so much strength.  I know there are monsters down there, I could hear them, feel them snapping at my heels.  Some days I prayed they would devour me, but they didn’t.  Some days I fought them like mad and won.  I can hear them down there, howling, hissing, they are mad I made it and yet they also feel proud of me.  I didn’t give up.  I didn’t throw myself into their open, drooling mouth.  I didn’t become bits of bone, blood and flesh.  I am still whole.  I beat them.

I turn, and this is what I have been working towards.  I had no idea.  I am still not sure that I fully comprehend it all.  Part of me thinks, no, it is an illusion.  But then I start to feel the warmth, hear the birds, and feel the love.  It is real.  I need time to adjust.  Can’t just run straight down the mountain. It is too steep.  Must take my time and become acclimated to the climate. It is so much different.  It’s so bright, colorful, and beautiful.  Peace.  Azna is there at the top with me.  As well as my guide, grandpa, Venita and so many others I don’t recognize but are there smiling.  They are all so happy I made it.  They were cheering me on but for the most part, I couldn’t hear them.  Now, I hear, feel, absorb it all.  They are all so proud of me.  I did it.  Oh yeah, I did it!  I have the scars to prove it.  I can point and talk about each one.  They don’t hurt much anymore.  Maybe a slight twinge now and then but they are reminders of what I have been through and what makes me what I am now.  They remind me how much I have worked and I am actually proud of those scars.  Proud I survived to be able to show them off.  Like a warrior and yet don’t want to draw attention to them.  But I will if needed to help somebody or remind myself what hell looks like.  I survived it.  Some many others have too.  But this is my spot.  This is my part of the mountain.  What do I want?  They are all waiting for my answer.  I get to pick and choose and start a new book.  The old book is finally closed.  This is the happy ending of this book. I am standing at the top and looking at the other side of my journey. It is the reward side.  The first 40 years is complete. The end of the chapter.

A new book, I open it.  It is blank.  Azna says I must fill it in myself.  I made it so fast, so quick, whole and smiling.  I am being rewarded. Scary.  Very scary.  What if I am too greedy?  What if I pick the wrong thing?  Can’t happen I am told.  I have earned all of it?  Not too greedy.  Enjoy.  This is the next 40 years and I can be totally 100% happy.  I feel held back, afraid if I take too much I will be thrown back to the other side.  Afraid that touching something good really is covering something evil.  But I am told that isn’t correct.  I stand and look over the other side.  It is so full of bright, glorious light.  The colors are so crisp and perfect.  I must wear sunglasses to look over at my new life.  Everyone stands around me as we look over everything.  I think it and it appears.  What do I want?  Imagine it and it is yours.  Still must make it to the bottom and it is steep but I have this adorable flying elephant beside me!  Have seen Dumbo the movie, but this little elephant is so happy and waiting to take me soaring through the sky.  Is he a totem animal?  Another journey begins.  It is also scary but yet so very exciting.  Over there?  Yes, no maybes, no “if” you can, no begging.

What exactly does the flying elephant mean?  Strength, determination, slow going but makes it to the end.  Elephants stick together, protect, guide those even when they are sick, grieve, and celebrate.  It fits me.  But flying?  Maybe it is to swoop me down the mountain quickly.  Instead of picking my way down and taking longer?  To immediately get me to my goal.  I still have the strength, determination and gentle soul of an elephant but yet the strength to stand my ground and crush what hurts me.  Life is good.  I feel strong, whole, still many questions but Azna will give me the answers. The new book begins.  It picks up where the old one left off.  At the top pf the mountain, celebrating, basking in my guides and loved ones happiness.  The next 40 years.  They are going to be fantastic.

I write this book and it will be a journey but one of sunshine, a few rain clouds and lots of blue sky with fat fluffy white clouds.

                                                                        Story Shared By:

Sheila T.

Many us of may think a meditation session

Congratulations and Blessings on your

 New Journey, Sheila  & Thank You for Sharing!